wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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