How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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