So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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