those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
