Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
