Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
