i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
