So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
