She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
