He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
