No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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