i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize