This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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