I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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