I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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