It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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