That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
