Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
