He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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