why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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