just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have fence marks all over my body
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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