There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
