I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
