Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
