Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
