Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
