you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
