I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
