I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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