I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
