I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
