So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
