absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had sex on a roof
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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