Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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