I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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