you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
