a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
