Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
