How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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