So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
