Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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