I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
