Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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