You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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