It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
