the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
