I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
