Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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