Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
