At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
