Moan for me like Helen Keller
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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