I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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