I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
