There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sext me about skeletons
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
