there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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