and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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