3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
