I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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