Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
