are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
