After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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