If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
