I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
