peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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