we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
