The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
