We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
