Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
