sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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