I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize