I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
