I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
