I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
