I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
