nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
