So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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