I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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