if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
