You smell like a Billy Joel song
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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