and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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