Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
youre lurking in front of me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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