We're like a lot better than the average bears
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
