What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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