I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
